The busyness of summer has died down, everyone is settled into their school or work routine, and Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas morning are just around the corner. If you live anywhere besides Florida, there’s a brisk chill in the air and the leaves look as though they’ve caught on fire and begin to shrivel up and die, preparing trees to give birth to new life in a few short months – a beautiful process that draws many parallels to the fragility and changing seasons of human life. There is a lot to love about October, and this October was my favorite one yet.
The first weekend of the month my mom and I flew up to Winchester, VA, to see one of our dearest family friends get married. It was absolutely delightful! It was cold and the leaves had begun changing colors, and I got to see so many friends and family members.
And then, from October 13-October 23 was my France trip, and let me just tell you… it was incredible. My family had an exchange student from France 7 years ago, and we’ve kept up with him a little bit through Facebook. His family came to Orlando 3 years ago which is where we really reconnected, and within those three years, they invited me to come stay with them at their home in Montpellier, a city in the south of France. I finally was able to make it work, and my grandmother and I hopped on a plane to France. This family welcomed us so openly and graciously and immediately made us feel comfortable. They showed us around their city, Montpellier, which is stunning, and they also showed us around the neighboring coastal towns. So many of the cities there were established in the 10th or 11th century, and I absolutely adore that about Europe. There is such a sense of history and tradition mixed with the modernity of a changing culture. Because America is such a young country, we don’t have the same kind of rich culture as European countries, which makes visiting there all the more enjoyable. Some of my absolute favorite moments were sitting around the dinner table with this loving family and intentionally being with them. It is common to talk about how Europeans embrace life more fully than Americans, and while I think this is true for a lot of reasons, I noticed that they seem to be intentionally present. There weren’t iPhones in everyone’s hands and the conversation was focused on what is happening in the world around us, and what is happening in our own small corners of the world – they simply wanted to know us. Conversation is still a valued art, and it was so refreshing to see that in action coming from a society that is rapidly losing the desire for face-to-face communication. Europe consistently charms me and draws me in. Walking down the quaint streets, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander and daydream about living there one day and walking down the same streets as a local. There is something so tangibly distinctive about Europe. I wish I could bottle up all of my thoughts and emotions to share them with you, but even if I could I still wouldn’t be able to capture the smells, sounds, and sights which make each experience I had so personal and unique. Grandma and I sat down to eat quiche (and yes, it was delicious.) at a restaurant right on the square one day, and I suddenly realized I couldn’t understand the conversations of anyone sitting around us. At first I thought this might make me feel lonely, but it was quite the opposite. As an introvert, there is nothing more comforting than being alone, surrounded by people. But beyond that, my motivation to learn a new language gets reignited every time I’m in that scenario. The challenge and awkwardness of trying to communicate with someone using few words and lots of hand gestures is a tension I love. There seems to be a mutual understanding that neither of us know what we’re doing, but we’re both trying our best. There are usually lots of smiles and laughs. I could ramble on about my love for Europe all day long, and I absolutely cannot wait to go back next year.
In the midst of it all still lies a sense of unrest. I had expectations, as naive and silly as they may be, that I would go on all of these trips this year and next and I would come back with a sense of what I want to do and where I want to live and who I want to be. My fear is that I’m getting further away from this. As I see more of the world, I realize there’s even more to be seen. Travel is the thing that makes my pulse quicken and my eyes light up. To be surrounded by a new language, a new city, and new people is what I dream of spending my entire life doing. What does this look like practically, though? What does that look like financially and relationally? If I’m constantly moving around like I think I want to be, what does community look like? What if I can never settle down? I’m halfway through my one year of travel, and I know these questions only indicate growing pains. I know change is happening, but with change always comes a hint (or heaps) of fear.
There’s a quote by Mark Twain that has quickly become a favorite of mine:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover.”
Isn’t it funny how sometimes the things we want most and the things we’re most afraid of are the same? I think the only remedy is to just go do them.
with all my heart. 